Sunday, July 08, 2007

Me versus Three

Nathan had to work this morning, so I took the boys to church by myself today. And my baby girl (who, if anyone is interested, is about 3 lbs now, and would survive if born, huzzah!). So it was the three of them, versus me.
And I lost.
Let me give you a little rundown of what my morning in the back pew was like.
-- Asher sits content for a few minutes on mommy's lap, making everyone beleive he's a cherub. (when in Rome...) Gabriel unzips mom's purse and then asks loudly for a green crayon, getting a nasty look from mommy and a "shushhhh!"
Mommy, still in her grrrl-power moment of zen, thinks things aren't going too badly. Ohhhh ... mommy has so much to learn. Asher starts calling for cookies like a haggler at an outdoor fish market. Mommy shush's him.... he calls louder ... mommy gives him a granola bar, which he licks, begins to wave wildly about, and then regurgitates onto mommy's chest. Asher spots mommy's necklace. Shouts "PRETTIES!" and begins to eat the necklace with enthusiastic exclamations of "Mmmmmm!" Mommy begins to get frazzled as we are nowhere even near the sermon. The praise band takes their places and Asher starts calling out "Daddy!" and then looks confused because this is NOT daddy's praise band. He stubbornly refuses to dance or clap to the music. Asher climbs on mommy, and knees her in the tummy, to which the baby kicks back fiercly. Mommy hands Asher a toy airplace which he throws under the pew, making Gabriel manuever on his belly under the pew to find the plane. Mommy starts sweating and wondering how tacky it would be to leave this early in the service. Gabriel starts asking for fruit snacks in his outdoor voice and poking mom with a pen. Mom gets out goldfish crackers. Gabe tells Ash loudly to "Share!!" The snacks and the juice begin to run out. Mommy sees that the end is near....mommy senses panic and impending doom...the final song starts to play...Asher starts to scream uncontrollably....mommy makes a fast grab for cups, books, toys, diaper bag and purse and makes a frantic beeline for the back door -- kids hanging off each arm, her big belly bowling aside anyone who would be stupid enough to get in the way.
And that, folks, was my wonderful morning. Now here's the question ... how will I handle it with three????

12 comments:

amy7252 said...

I am so glad to be reminded of how good I have it right now ...

CStaude said...

Next time? Mommy dumps kids in nursery and goes to church to meditate in peace and quiet! :-)
But, good try... and amusing entry!

Suggested service project for the youth group at your church... volunteer "mommy's helpers" to assist mommy's in situations such as yours!

Nhia said...

If John can handle three in 7 days (10-plus hour shifts each day) while I'm working the U.S. Senior Open, then I am convinced ANYONE can! But seriously, don't fret too much -- your mommy instincts will kick in, and you will find yourself thinking, "What was I panicking about so much?" It will be hard at first, but it will go to show what mommyhood is all about: Instincts and multitasking!

T.Leaf said...

maybe you should get an extra husband to keep around ;-)

T.Leaf said...

(kidding, of course!)

KatHarrmann said...

Hmmmm...not a bad idea! A stunt double who can handle kid duty emergencies! On second thought, I don't think I could afford the salary that would be necessary for that kind of job!!

marzi said...

oh, i feel for you! i'm so nervous about the idea of having 2 to deal with very soon! only 66 days to go!! (hopefully less if i have anything to say about it!!)

Me said...

sleep-in on Sunday mornings.

+gmjameson said...

Leon thinks Asher is clearly going to join the LCMS clergy - all the signs are there. Frustration with praise bands, enjoyment of snacks, and throwing objects to make dramatic points.

Gabe seems cut out for a career as a navy seal.

We love you!

DawnK said...

You just helped me remember the time I had cheerios in a ziploc bag, at church, and I grabbed it with the open side down and we cheerios all over the floor. In our church the floor is brick and there was no picking up these cheerios. We were just smooshing them into the floor! I shutter to think what somebody thought, when they had to clean that mess up. That was the end of snacks in church, for them! LOL!

I also remember bringing crayons and they would always fall on the floor, too. Eventually, we changed that to just pencils!

Oh yeah, and one time, when Sarah was about 8-9 months old. She was standing on the floor in front of me, and she fell, hitting her head on the hard floor, during the scriptures. I swear everyone heard her hit her head, and then she started screaming! We made a hasty retreat to the nursery. Argh. She was fine, though.

Kids grow up too fast, though and soon the church adventures are just a dim memory.

CStaude said...

Not to become excessively "graphic" - but your sister blephed all over me once in church! That was thrilling and aromatic too... at least neither of them did that!

Jennifer said...

I laughed when I read this entry ... then I realized that this could very well be me in the near future! :) Actually, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with just one. I recently watched "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" on TLC (It's about a woman our age, her husband, their twin daughters and their sextuplets). After two hours of seeing what there life was like, I promised I would never complain about how difficult Isaac sometimes makes things (of course that lasted until the next morning!). I think you'll handle the third like a pro ... don't worry so much. You're a great Mommy, Nate's a great Daddy and you'll both just make it work!